Jan 1, 2013

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Peter Pan Collar Tank Tops? I’m sorry, but no.

There comes a time in every girl’s life where she must decide if the clothes in the stores are way too ugly to even exist.  This does not mean she needs to go out and write angry Dislike Mail to the store, or take an Instagram of it (since she STILL lacks an iPhone), but she at least puts down in words the disgust, the infuriation, and the just plain awfulness of what she has witnessed.

And I have witnessed awful*.

To make matters even worse, it took me FOREVER (split up over 2 days) to find this “About A Girl Sequin Peter Pan Collar Tank” on Kohls.com.

I'm sorry, but no.

Here is an artistic representation of how it actually looks hanging on the rack and what I would have used as the visual if I had not found it:

So ugly.

However, this would have been a little more appropriate:


The existence of this “tank top” begs to ask+answer the following questions:

1) Why?

2) Doesn’t a “Peter Pan” collar that low strike through the whole purpose of a collar detail thingie?

3) Does it even do anything for your boobs?

I mean…

Maybe it exists because a bow would have been too girly.  Maybe it is that low to catch your extra tit glitter so you can wear even more.  Or maybe it will catch all those cake crumbs that you wanted to eat anyways because it wasn’t your fault they missed your mouth now, was it?  Maybe its completely awkward shape (it looks absolutely DREADFUL in person) actually does make your boobs look fantastic so all the boys and girls want you.  But I will never know because I was too disgusted to even consider picking it up and trying it on.

Now, I will confess I have always had a hatred an intense loathing that is completely justified of Peter Pan collars that are not attached to shirts.  I’ve always felt that there is no point to have a collar just chilling around your neck that is not connected to your shirt.  It’s not a necklace.  You don’t wear it like one.  You don’t wear it with a tank top.  That would be the second most heinous fashion crime ever after the making of this shirt.  So why is it a good idea to mix the two?  It’s not.

But y’all.  We live in a world where it is appropriate to create a tank top with a Peter Pan collar that is significantly lower than necessary.  We live in a world where some poor person will buy this tank top and wear it, instead of not buying it and shutting this trend down like the meth lab it metaphorically is.

What is the point besides it looking different?  And it being a “different” style doesn’t even look good.

I’m sorry, but no.

*And yes.  It was so awful it made me use an adjective as a noun.

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