Jan 3, 2013

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1.5 liter sodas are quite unfortunate.

This picture is placed here simply to distract from the insane volume of text in this blog entry.

This picture is placed here simply to distract from the massive amount of text in this blog entry.

I was in Kroger a few days ago buying soda and I got very annoyed.  They are carrying 1.5-liter Pepsi products in massive quantities.  They are probably carrying Coke ones too, but I was only focused on getting Dr Pepper, so I wasn’t paying much attention.  BUT, it was very annoying.  You could get a 2-liter for 2/$3.00 or a 1.5 for 10/$10.00.  If I did math, I could figure out the exact “what you’re getting for what” thing, but I don’t do math.  So I’m just going to do it on principle.

My worry (and the main fuel for this rant) is that in the future, they will do away with the 2-liter soda–a staple at parties and, well, just plain America.  In America, you buy a 1 gallon milk and a 2-liter soda.  I understand about counting calories and obesity rates and high fructose corn syrup and stuff.  All of that is very important.

More important, however, is the integrity of what it means to be a staple in America. Sure, Cheerios is a staple, hot dogs are staple, even turkey is a staple once a year.

[And soda goes great with all of them except for Cheerios.  Although I occasionally have Dr. Pepper and Frosted Cheerios for breakfast, so I argue that soda goes great with Cheerios too.  Just not together in the same bowl.  Gross.]

But the 2-liter soda is on a level of its own.  It is something that shouldn’t be messed with.  “2-liter” is pretty much synonymous with “soda” in America.  Okay, it is difficult to carry and even more difficult to get open at home without it exploding everywhere.  You don’t let five year olds carry it.  But it’s the dream of five year olds everywhere to occasionally carry the soda.  It’s a status symbol.  A symbol, when given from parent to child, that says “Yes, I trust you enough to carry this item from Point A to Point B without shaking it up too much.  And even if you do shake it up, you carried the soda.  So good for you.”

But to replace the 2-liter with a 1.5-liter just seems to be hopping on the downsizing America bandwagon.  We have already had to deal with downsizing ice cream, and chips, and other things that I can’t quite remember on the top of my head but have been downsized and I was quite upset about it.  Oh yeah, the packaging sizes of raspberries and blueberries!  Is there nothing sacred anymore?

Maybe that last .5-liter does go flat before you finish the bottle.  Maybe you don’t need it after all because it is just empty calories.  Maybe 1.5-liters are easier to carry to the checkout.  Either way, what will we use to put Mentos in it to make it explode?  How will science teachers explain tornadoes now?  Any funnels they create by taping two bottles together will be significantly smaller.  When used as water rockets, they will get less air.

As one of the few instances we allow the metric system to be used in this country, 1.5-liter will never be enough.  2-liters forever.

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