Jan 3, 2013

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1.5 liter sodas are quite unfortunate.

This picture is placed here simply to distract from the insane volume of text in this blog entry.

This picture is placed here simply to distract from the massive amount of text in this blog entry.

I was in Kroger a few days ago buying soda and I got very annoyed.  They are carrying 1.5-liter Pepsi products in massive quantities.  They are probably carrying Coke ones too, but I was only focused on getting Dr Pepper, so I wasn’t paying much attention.  BUT, it was very annoying.  You could get a 2-liter for 2/$3.00 or a 1.5 for 10/$10.00.  If I did math, I could figure out the exact “what you’re getting for what” thing, but I don’t do math.  So I’m just going to do it on principle.

My worry (and the main fuel for this rant) is that in the future, they will do away with the 2-liter soda–a staple at parties and, well, just plain America.  In America, you buy a 1 gallon milk and a 2-liter soda.  I understand about counting calories and obesity rates and high fructose corn syrup and stuff.  All of that is very important.

More important, however, is the integrity of what it means to be a staple in America. Sure, Cheerios is a staple, hot dogs are staple, even turkey is a staple once a year.

[And soda goes great with all of them except for Cheerios.  Although I occasionally have Dr. Pepper and Frosted Cheerios for breakfast, so I argue that soda goes great with Cheerios too.  Just not together in the same bowl.  Gross.]

But the 2-liter soda is on a level of its own.  It is something that shouldn’t be messed with.  “2-liter” is pretty much synonymous with “soda” in America.  Okay, it is difficult to carry and even more difficult to get open at home without it exploding everywhere.  You don’t let five year olds carry it.  But it’s the dream of five year olds everywhere to occasionally carry the soda.  It’s a status symbol.  A symbol, when given from parent to child, that says “Yes, I trust you enough to carry this item from Point A to Point B without shaking it up too much.  And even if you do shake it up, you carried the soda.  So good for you.”

But to replace the 2-liter with a 1.5-liter just seems to be hopping on the downsizing America bandwagon.  We have already had to deal with downsizing ice cream, and chips, and other things that I can’t quite remember on the top of my head but have been downsized and I was quite upset about it.  Oh yeah, the packaging sizes of raspberries and blueberries!  Is there nothing sacred anymore?

Maybe that last .5-liter does go flat before you finish the bottle.  Maybe you don’t need it after all because it is just empty calories.  Maybe 1.5-liters are easier to carry to the checkout.  Either way, what will we use to put Mentos in it to make it explode?  How will science teachers explain tornadoes now?  Any funnels they create by taping two bottles together will be significantly smaller.  When used as water rockets, they will get less air.

As one of the few instances we allow the metric system to be used in this country, 1.5-liter will never be enough.  2-liters forever.

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Jan 1, 2013

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Peter Pan Collar Tank Tops? I’m sorry, but no.

There comes a time in every girl’s life where she must decide if the clothes in the stores are way too ugly to even exist.  This does not mean she needs to go out and write angry Dislike Mail to the store, or take an Instagram of it (since she STILL lacks an iPhone), but she at least puts down in words the disgust, the infuriation, and the just plain awfulness of what she has witnessed.

And I have witnessed awful*.

To make matters even worse, it took me FOREVER (split up over 2 days) to find this “About A Girl Sequin Peter Pan Collar Tank” on Kohls.com.

I'm sorry, but no.

Here is an artistic representation of how it actually looks hanging on the rack and what I would have used as the visual if I had not found it:

So ugly.

However, this would have been a little more appropriate:

 No.

The existence of this “tank top” begs to ask+answer the following questions:

1) Why?

2) Doesn’t a “Peter Pan” collar that low strike through the whole purpose of a collar detail thingie?

3) Does it even do anything for your boobs?

I mean…

Maybe it exists because a bow would have been too girly.  Maybe it is that low to catch your extra tit glitter so you can wear even more.  Or maybe it will catch all those cake crumbs that you wanted to eat anyways because it wasn’t your fault they missed your mouth now, was it?  Maybe its completely awkward shape (it looks absolutely DREADFUL in person) actually does make your boobs look fantastic so all the boys and girls want you.  But I will never know because I was too disgusted to even consider picking it up and trying it on.

Now, I will confess I have always had a hatred an intense loathing that is completely justified of Peter Pan collars that are not attached to shirts.  I’ve always felt that there is no point to have a collar just chilling around your neck that is not connected to your shirt.  It’s not a necklace.  You don’t wear it like one.  You don’t wear it with a tank top.  That would be the second most heinous fashion crime ever after the making of this shirt.  So why is it a good idea to mix the two?  It’s not.

But y’all.  We live in a world where it is appropriate to create a tank top with a Peter Pan collar that is significantly lower than necessary.  We live in a world where some poor person will buy this tank top and wear it, instead of not buying it and shutting this trend down like the meth lab it metaphorically is.

What is the point besides it looking different?  And it being a “different” style doesn’t even look good.

I’m sorry, but no.

*And yes.  It was so awful it made me use an adjective as a noun.

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