Jul 21, 2014

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Constellation Nightstand

Ever since I came across BuzzFeed’s 25 Galactic DIYs Inspired By Space last year, I’ve wanted to galactic-i-fy everything I own.

I started with my wardrobe by making the knock off Anthropologie Kites and Constellations Star Cardigan DIY.  Then I moved to my room and completed the Constellation Lamp DIY by Transient Expressions.

But I wanted more.  And since they only had one navy blue curtain on clearance at Kohls, and I’m poor, I had to make do with what I had.

Enter this ugly side table.

Side (Before):
Cosmic Nightstand Side Before

Top (Before):
Cosmic Nightstand Top Before

Quite ugly, no?

I tried to make it prettier.

I got paint from Lowes (though they matched it to a paint color sample from Wal-Mart–>Glidden Brilliance Collection Rich Navy WGB30).  To make the constellations, I used the Zodiac constellation designs from Transient Expressions I used to make the lamp.

I put the designs on in a sort of circular order starting with Cancer in the top right on the top and working down to Gemini-Taurus-Aries-Pisces-Aquarius.  While each side is in order, I didn’t make it continuous because I didn’t put any on the back.  Nobody would see them and I didn’t want to send any of them to the great beyond.  Except Aquarius.  It was a little touch-and-go, but I found space for it on the bottom shelf.  But if you’ve stumbled across this and hate Aquarius more than I do (or any other sign, except Taurus because Taurus is FREAKING AWESOME), feel free to put it on the back.

Cosmic Nightstand Front

Top (Taurus, Gemini, and Cancer):
Cosmic Nightstand Top

Front (Aries on Drawer, Pisces on Large Shelf, Aquarius on Smaller Shelf):
Cosmic Nightstand Top and Front

Side 1 (Leo, Virgo, and Libra):
Cosmic Nightstand Side 1

Side 2 (Scorpio, Sagittarius, and Capricorn):
Cosmic Nightstand Side 2

And because I’m more terrible at taking photos than I am at painting, I added some filters to spice it up.

“Look! It’s The Sun!” Filter:
Cosmic Nightstand w/ Sun Spot Filter

“Typical Alien Space Planet Coloring” Filter:
Cosmic Nightstand w/ Alien Planet Filter

“Galaxy” Filter:
Cosmic Nightstand w/ "Galactic" Filter

And now I’m going to go die of paint fumes.

5…4…3…2…1…

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Mar 12, 2013

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It’s Too Late Baby, But I’d Still Like This in HQ

I was listening to music on my mythical blue iPod Touch a few days ago and I re-stumbled upon Jessie And The Toy Boys, more specifically her/their Show Me Your Tanlines EP.  Especially the song “Money Makes The Girl Go Round.” And after I listened to all five tracks and the kind of tacky remix, I got bored and I wanted to know what Ms. Jessie Toy Boy was up to.  Unfortunately, it’s not much.  Music-wise, the last official release is from August (and I am too lazy to stalk her Twitter for any new tracks at the moment) and it was this:

Now, I love Jessie.  She is a fairly brilliant popstar.  She was 1/3 of the brilliant band Shut Up Stella who had these brilliant songs.

But why would you release the above when you have an absolute MONSTER of a song in this one below:

So “Hit Man” is a few years old?  But back in the day, it was better than the first single, “Push It.”  Most people would agree.  I mean, “Push It” is amazing in how it’s  “a love song about sex” at the same time as being “a sexy song about love.”  But that is kinda it.

And to follow “Push It” with “Let’s Get Naughty” didn’t do any favors.  Even though the “It’s a dream when you touch me there” post-chorus part sounds absolutely amazing, and the song is overall kinda fierce, the “all my hoes / touch your toes” part is obnoxious and pretty much tailor-made for the party girl whose night needs a much better soundtrack than what she’s currently listening to.

And finally “On With My Bad Self” is kind of…pretty much…terrible.  To be completely straightforward, there is nothing redeemable about it.  It does not have a soaring chorus to redeem only semi-passable lyrics or a video that doesn’t make people cringe when they see it.  It almost makes you wonder where it went wrong.

There is an elegance to “Hit Man” and even “Push It” to an extent that mixes what people see as negatives of pop music (“the trash”) with sweetness.  And her personality/pop persona comes across as being someone you kinda want to hang out with because your night would be awesome.  “On With My Bad Self” turns her into that awkward girl screaming for attention that you really don’t want to hang out with because you know you’d both get arrested for cocaine possession.  Mostly because she’d be the one yelling to the cops that “we have it on us!!!”

In short, I hope 2013 brings great things from Jessie.  Especially new music I can legally acquire.  However, all I’m saying is that if I don’t get a HQ version of “Hit Man” either on a new EP or that ever-out-of-reach-album that I’m going to be disappointed.  It is probably too late for “Hit Man” to be a single.  Or to make waves as introducing the average Joe and Johanna to Jessie And The Toy Boys.  But it is a brilliant song.  And it was a huge mistake not to release/launch the project with it in the first place.

***

Also: Jessie And The Toy Boys, Jessie and The Toy Boys (Amazon), Jessie And The Toyboys (have unfortunately seen it this way), Jessie & The Toy Boys (see the first of the above videos)…It makes it incredibly difficult to Google properly.  This needed to be sorted out ages ago.

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Jan 3, 2013

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1.5 liter sodas are quite unfortunate.

This picture is placed here simply to distract from the insane volume of text in this blog entry.

This picture is placed here simply to distract from the massive amount of text in this blog entry.

I was in Kroger a few days ago buying soda and I got very annoyed.  They are carrying 1.5-liter Pepsi products in massive quantities.  They are probably carrying Coke ones too, but I was only focused on getting Dr Pepper, so I wasn’t paying much attention.  BUT, it was very annoying.  You could get a 2-liter for 2/$3.00 or a 1.5 for 10/$10.00.  If I did math, I could figure out the exact “what you’re getting for what” thing, but I don’t do math.  So I’m just going to do it on principle.

My worry (and the main fuel for this rant) is that in the future, they will do away with the 2-liter soda–a staple at parties and, well, just plain America.  In America, you buy a 1 gallon milk and a 2-liter soda.  I understand about counting calories and obesity rates and high fructose corn syrup and stuff.  All of that is very important.

More important, however, is the integrity of what it means to be a staple in America. Sure, Cheerios is a staple, hot dogs are staple, even turkey is a staple once a year.

[And soda goes great with all of them except for Cheerios.  Although I occasionally have Dr. Pepper and Frosted Cheerios for breakfast, so I argue that soda goes great with Cheerios too.  Just not together in the same bowl.  Gross.]

But the 2-liter soda is on a level of its own.  It is something that shouldn’t be messed with.  “2-liter” is pretty much synonymous with “soda” in America.  Okay, it is difficult to carry and even more difficult to get open at home without it exploding everywhere.  You don’t let five year olds carry it.  But it’s the dream of five year olds everywhere to occasionally carry the soda.  It’s a status symbol.  A symbol, when given from parent to child, that says “Yes, I trust you enough to carry this item from Point A to Point B without shaking it up too much.  And even if you do shake it up, you carried the soda.  So good for you.”

But to replace the 2-liter with a 1.5-liter just seems to be hopping on the downsizing America bandwagon.  We have already had to deal with downsizing ice cream, and chips, and other things that I can’t quite remember on the top of my head but have been downsized and I was quite upset about it.  Oh yeah, the packaging sizes of raspberries and blueberries!  Is there nothing sacred anymore?

Maybe that last .5-liter does go flat before you finish the bottle.  Maybe you don’t need it after all because it is just empty calories.  Maybe 1.5-liters are easier to carry to the checkout.  Either way, what will we use to put Mentos in it to make it explode?  How will science teachers explain tornadoes now?  Any funnels they create by taping two bottles together will be significantly smaller.  When used as water rockets, they will get less air.

As one of the few instances we allow the metric system to be used in this country, 1.5-liter will never be enough.  2-liters forever.

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Jan 1, 2013

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Peter Pan Collar Tank Tops? I’m sorry, but no.

There comes a time in every girl’s life where she must decide if the clothes in the stores are way too ugly to even exist.  This does not mean she needs to go out and write angry Dislike Mail to the store, or take an Instagram of it (since she STILL lacks an iPhone), but she at least puts down in words the disgust, the infuriation, and the just plain awfulness of what she has witnessed.

And I have witnessed awful*.

To make matters even worse, it took me FOREVER (split up over 2 days) to find this “About A Girl Sequin Peter Pan Collar Tank” on Kohls.com.

I'm sorry, but no.

Here is an artistic representation of how it actually looks hanging on the rack and what I would have used as the visual if I had not found it:

So ugly.

However, this would have been a little more appropriate:

 No.

The existence of this “tank top” begs to ask+answer the following questions:

1) Why?

2) Doesn’t a “Peter Pan” collar that low strike through the whole purpose of a collar detail thingie?

3) Does it even do anything for your boobs?

I mean…

Maybe it exists because a bow would have been too girly.  Maybe it is that low to catch your extra tit glitter so you can wear even more.  Or maybe it will catch all those cake crumbs that you wanted to eat anyways because it wasn’t your fault they missed your mouth now, was it?  Maybe its completely awkward shape (it looks absolutely DREADFUL in person) actually does make your boobs look fantastic so all the boys and girls want you.  But I will never know because I was too disgusted to even consider picking it up and trying it on.

Now, I will confess I have always had a hatred an intense loathing that is completely justified of Peter Pan collars that are not attached to shirts.  I’ve always felt that there is no point to have a collar just chilling around your neck that is not connected to your shirt.  It’s not a necklace.  You don’t wear it like one.  You don’t wear it with a tank top.  That would be the second most heinous fashion crime ever after the making of this shirt.  So why is it a good idea to mix the two?  It’s not.

But y’all.  We live in a world where it is appropriate to create a tank top with a Peter Pan collar that is significantly lower than necessary.  We live in a world where some poor person will buy this tank top and wear it, instead of not buying it and shutting this trend down like the meth lab it metaphorically is.

What is the point besides it looking different?  And it being a “different” style doesn’t even look good.

I’m sorry, but no.

*And yes.  It was so awful it made me use an adjective as a noun.

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Feb 20, 2012

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Y’all I have a music dilemma.

Most of the time, I can pick a good song of the radio after hearing it for exactly 2 seconds.  The only exceptions would be the strange outliers like Madonna’s new single “Give Me All Your Luvin’” which sounded good when I first heard the snippet at the “give me all your luvin'” part in the chorus, and later at Nicki Minaj’s part.  But after one full run-through, I found it to be completely terrible everywhere else.  Do we really need a chant of “L-U-V MADONNA Y-O-U YOU WANNA” in a 2012 pop song?  Especially by the Queen of Pop Music?

But the terrible Madonna song aside, my magic voodoo powers/good song pop-o-meter are all out of sync when it comes to “Glad You Came” by The Wanted.

Q: Is it a good song?

A: I have no idea.  I sure did spend all Wednesday night dying to listen to it for an hour while my computer’s speakers were all out of wack.

***

Okay, so let’s discuss this.  It sounds like a mix between “Stereo Love” by Edward Maya featuring Vika Jigulina and “You Make Me Feel…” by Cobra Starship featuring Sabi.  The latter makes sense because they were both co-written and produced by Steve Mac.  Now is this a good thing or a bad thing?  Maybe a little of both?

Now, it’s bad because when I first heard it, I thought it was a new song by Cobra Starship, which would be not only disappointing and bad if I decided to first check out the band on YouTube before I Googled the song lyrics I could remember.  It’s just not cool when a song sounds like some other artist.  I mean, it’s great for trying to describe the sound to someone else, but not when you’re constantly reminded of the other artist while listening to it.  And also, what if I went to iTunes and wanted to download the song, only to fall in love with the actual new Cobra Starship single and choose to spend my $0.99 on that?  I also am a little upset that yet another song is using the combination of a dance beat with a repeated sample by an accordion.  Trend hopper.  Lastly, I have a problem with the vocals in that they are a little “thin” or “talky” at places, which is okay, but slightly grating at times.  It’s like, “Just SING to me sexy boy-band boy.  I don’t need to be talk-sung to.”

But on the other side, the “talky” vocals are British, y’all.  A British accent always positively improves overall song delivery.  And hopping on the trend works well on the radio because it sounds like a mix of the two.  (More airplay!  Yay!)  The song also sounds like 2011/2012 (it was released in Britain in 2011).  It’s not  a Max Martin clone and it has some unexpected parts about partying, such as “Give you another drink / Drink it if you can” and “I decided you look well on me / Well on me/Let’s go somewhere  where no one else can see / You and me.”  While it sounds like what we’ve heard, it’s not exact.  It feels like home, yet slightly unfamiliar.

However, the biggest plus of all about the song is that it’s titled “GLAD YOU CAME”(!!).  Now, this can be read as sweet, “My universe will never be the same / I’m glad you came.”  Or dirty.  (You don’t really need an explanation for this, do you?)  What is good about innocent-pop-songs-that-sound-dirty-at-the-same-time is that if executed well, is that when they work, they really work.  Not only does it allow for an artist to get more plays, since the innocent will hear it as innocent and the dirty will smirk at the dirty bits.  It allows for that two kinds of reads of pop lyrics-the dirty and the innocent theme-wise.  (For example: “I’ve got a house with windows and doors / I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” from B*Witched’s song “C’est La Vie.”)  But the lyrics are a little sweet too in that they’re saying in a way, “I’m glad you came to the party with me.  That we got to spend this time together.”

When it’s done right, it makes the listener feel smarter because they’ve noticed something.  When it’s done wrong, it ends up like Britney Spears’ “If You Seek Amy,” where the verses make no sense, but “oh my gosh, y’all it sounds like she’s saying something naughty in the chorus.”  Fortunately “Glad You Came” avoids this problem.  The combination of sounding like “Cobra Starship Meets Stereo Love” and a sexual innuendo works for this song, which makes me “Glad I LISTENED to it.”  Just kidding!

I think “Glad You Came” could potentially be in the running for “Song of The Summer 2012.”  If you remember that last year, LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem” was released on almost the exact same date on January 25, 2011 (“Glad You Came” was officially released to mainstream US radio on January 24, 2012) and became inescapable over Summer 2011.  The only thing the song has against it is that it was released in the UK in July 2011, so it kind of sounds like Summer 2011, instead of what Summer 2012 should/would be.  Although that’s never stopped a song’s chart performance before.  I’m still out on if I’ll end up hating it after it’s overplayed in six months, but good or bad, I think it’s a pretty good song.  And I don’t feel that bad for liking listening to it.

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